Oh, wait. You probably don't know me by my real name. Momma usually calls me "Bad Cat" or "Destructo Kitty." She calls me other things, too, but I don't think she has ever shared those names here.
I'm here to tell you that whatever she says...
It simply isn't true.
You need to hear MY side of the story...
You see...she really messed up my bedtime routine the other night. And I am a creature of habit. Yes-sir-ee Bob, I'm a creature of habit.
G was gone. I love G. She's my girl. She loves me, too. Purr, purr, purr, purr...
Anyway. G was gone and Momma was home with both of us cats. Hannah is so prissy. Ugh. She thinks she's so perfect. But I know better.
But, I digress again. Let's see...where was I? Oh yes. Momma was home alone. I think she had a headache or something from those funny new things she had been wearing on her face. She had given up working on her paper (I didn't MEAN to shred two pages a few weeks ago...how was I supposed to know those papers on the table were "important" papers?!?) And she was going to take a shower. It was only 8:30. I knew that was way too early, but she always goes to bed right after she takes a shower. I should know. I've observed the process every night for a year and a half.
So she took a shower, brushed her teeth, took her allergy medicine, combed her hair, rubbed some sticky-looking white stuff on her legs, and I got on my bed.
WENT DOWNSTAIRS AGAIN!
Wait a minute! Hold the phone! (You'll have to do that for me...I don't have any thumbs...) She should have been getting in bed! But she WENT DOWNSTAIRS!!!
I followed her and tried to tell her she was in the wrong place. I begged her to go back upstairs. But she wouldn't listen. So I tried to trick her into it. I went upstairs and made some noise by knocking a few things off of her dresser. I KNEW that would make her come upstairs. And I was right! But she still didn't go to bed. She just fussed at me and cleaned up my mess. And went back downstairs. What was her deal, anyway?
So I picked a fight with Hannah, ran around a bit, and generally made Momma really upset with me...more than she already was. In fact, she was so put out with me that I had to spend the night in timeout. Well, I showed her. Wanna' see what I did? Look...
Oh, it was so much fun! It was a brand new roll when I started. When I finished, it was a huge pile of soft white shreds all over the bathroom floor. I even slept in my mountain of shredding that night. Not as comfy as my usual bed, but it was still nice. And I did leave a little bit on the roll. That was thoughtful of me, wasn't it. :)
Momma wasn't happy with me when she got up in the morning. I think she said something about sending me back to live with Hada and Emmitt. Hmmmm...maybe I better rethink my ways.
I hope Momma has learned to follow my directions. And more importantly, she should NOT mess up my nightly routine! I told you it wasn't my fault. I hope you believe me.
Now, I'm off to play with my mousey and chatter at the cardinals that are eating out of my bird feeder.